Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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