You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
