GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
