so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
