I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
