The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
