Whod you bang
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How does one acquire holy water?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
