I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
