Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
