Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
