I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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