You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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