You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize