dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
