I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it hurts more in the daytime
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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