Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
