you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
