I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
