I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
