ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
