She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
