How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
