Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
