I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
