I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
