Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
