i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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