Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My cat gives me a boner
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
worst night to have a conscience
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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