if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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