that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
