You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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