Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
