just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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