Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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