I wanna passion pit in your ass
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you never un-have a 4some
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
