can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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