a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
