If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
