I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
