Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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