Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is classic penis vs brain.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
