Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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