My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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