he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
