SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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