Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
