i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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