I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
