I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
