There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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