Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
