we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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