I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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