i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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