I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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