Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
