I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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