Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
false alarm, still single
Randomize
