maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
