tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
