Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
