You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
