fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
