He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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