Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
