i think i have two assholes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
