i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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