I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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